Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Are my feet made of real feet?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
