just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
