next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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