I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
