if you like me you must not know who I am
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize