I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
