My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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