he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
