I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
two words: eviction party
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
