You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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