I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
