mondays should just be called national damage control day
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
