due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
