We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
