I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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