Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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