thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
