How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
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I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
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'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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