we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
