Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
