Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
