I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
