tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
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We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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