I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
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I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
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i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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