That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
