You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
