Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
