did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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