How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Panties = found
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
