No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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