I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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