The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
