I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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