He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
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