walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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