It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
pop tarts are not kleenex
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Randomize
