forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
