The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
