you're like a bully in the Christmas story
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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