Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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