some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
