guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
