im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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