i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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