How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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