oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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