Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
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Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
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So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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