I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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