I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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