You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
