Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
