I should be sponsored by Trojan
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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