I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
