Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
