I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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