he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
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So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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