Dual....:-)
You can't motorboat a personality
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
