my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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