Plan B is the new Plan A
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
