We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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