We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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