In the future we'll all be gay
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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