Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My balls are so social today.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
