I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
