On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So much rum. So many feels.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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