peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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