life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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