oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
