dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The best revenge is premature balding
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Enjoy the penises
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
