Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
