Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
