Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
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I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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