I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
