He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
