What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
