still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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