My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
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Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you inspire me to be a worse person
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Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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