She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
