guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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