dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He did a backflip because drugs
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
