Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
