it wasn't lemon gatorade
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
