My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize