I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i came on her dog
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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