false alarm. still invincible.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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