bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
