i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
