When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
