Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
